can be under estimated...
A few weeks ago the mother to Chisomo(one of my boarding students) came by my house to pay me a visit. Unfortunately, I was in nearby Tukombo meeting with Mel about Women2Women project things and enjoying a nice, relaxing afternoon at the lake. Chisomo's mother left me a note that I received upon my return home that evening. When I read the letter, I almost cried, I held it together because I didn't want to have to go into a long explanation with Martha and Chisomo about how much that letter touched me and came just at the right time. The gist of the letter was thanking me for providing the girls with a good, safe home and how much she appreciates it. From there things began to make sense to me and the questions of "what exactly am I doing here?" began to hang over my head. Finally, I decided to make some changes...
Mr.Katanga and Mr.Chisikwa,(Headteacher and deputy)I have asked for this meeting to inform you of some upcoming changes. It is my job as a volunteer to come into a community, assess areas in need of development and act accordingly. It is also my job to function at my highest capacity within the time frame given by my contract. After speaking with Dora(my supervisor) extensively, I have realized that there is a greater need for my services outside of the classroom. After this term, I will not be teaching at Kasitu CDSS. Instead, I will be switching posts and will operate in the capacity of Gender Development Facilitator. I will be working with an NGO within the communities between Dwangwa and Dwambazi, primarily focusing on girls and women's education. Although I will not be based in Kasitu, I will continue with the projects I have already began with the hopes of implementing more projects that focuso n gender equity. I also would like to continue working with Mr.Chisikwa in terms of teacher development so that he is functioning at his highest capacity. If I felt that the school was in dire need of an english teacher my decision to stay would be evident but I have complete confidence that Mr.Chisikwa has the skills and knowledge to provide english education to the students in a manner that is equal if not better than myself. Please understand how difficult this decision was for me to make. I have enjoyed my time working with you and enjoy my life with the community of Kasitu. In no ways my decision to switch posts influenced by a dislike for you or the community, instead I have identified a huge, prevalent problem in this area and feel it is more important that I address the problem then ignore it. I know it may be difficult for you to understand my decision, but I ask that you support me during this time of transition. If you feel the need to share this information with others, I ask that you do so in a tactful manner so that they understand it's not a personal issue against them or the community but one that is meant to uplift the community. I have also spoken with Dora about another volunteer coming to Kasitu. I'm the 3rd and given Peace Corps guidelines suppose to be the last. Given the situation, she said that she can send another volunteer but not this upcoming year. She is aware that Kasitu is an ideal community for a volunteer to work in. I believe that over this next year the school can make the much needed improvements on the house i'm currently living in and to work on improving working conditions within the school and with the community to make it a more welcoming environment for the next volunteer. Please remember that if a volunteer is to come, there must be housing available.As I have said, this has been a very difficult decision for me, but my integrity does not allow me to sit back and be a part of the problem when I know I can be a part of the solution. I think very highly of both of you and how that we can continue our relationship as we move forward.
After I finish teaching in November I will change my focus, move from my lakeside property, and solely focus on gender development initiatives in my area. As of now i'm in limbo as i'm not sure where exactly i'm moving to. The original plan was for me to be based out of my trading center-Dwangwa-which is 30k south of where I am now and just operate from there. But after I submitted my program overview and intentions to the director of the NGO, he met with the Board of Directors and came back with a slightly different idea of my role within their organization. They like my idea and the layout of how I plan to make it happen and think that I may have a greater impact if I worked on a district level instead of a small portion of a district. As of now I know I will be working under the youth and gender development division of Nkhotakota AIDS Support Organization(a district branch of the National AIDS Commission) and working with the coordinator to come up with programming that targets at-risk youths and adults and will hopefully reduce the transmission rate of HIV/AIDS in the district. My main focus is to come up with programming that targets three populations-school attending girls, out of school girls and women, and sex workers. I'll have a better idea of what to expect in the next month. I'm quite excited to be moving into a capacity that allows me a bit more freedom in terms of project implementation and is more challenging. Will have to step up my language skills now...haha. It was hard for me to deliver the news to my headmaster, I was getting choked up while reading the above speech to him, but he interrupted and came at me with some news of his own... The disintegration of Kasitu CDSS...I am not the only one leaving at the end of this term. The headmaster has been re-posted to another new secondary school, the deputy has been posted to a primary school, my fellow teacher Mr.Chimkoka left Friday for a new posting closer to his sick wife and Mr.Banda, my fellow librarian, is requesting to be reposted and waiting on a response from the District Education Manager leaving only 3 seasoned staff and whoever the district sends to replace those leaving(not including myself).It's hard for me to leave my students under these circumstances but I have to function at a level that is best for my community and I. I'm sure you are wondering about what i'm going to do with Martha and Chisomo...Well, duh! that's a no brainer they will come with me wherever I go. We're a team, a unit, and I can not leave them behind. I have secured them a space at a school near Dwangwa and if i'm placed in the boma then I will find a school for them there. Everything always works out and works out for a reason. So, this is my latest news, hope you enjoyed. I will be in and around town for the next 3 weeks(wow!! a long time I know, but this week I have to submit and defend a VAST grant for my girl's program, next week prepare for GRE, and the following week will be at training as a resource volunteer). Life is moving and moving to quickly for me to keep up with sometimes... Enjoying every minute though..
Hugs and love!
Friday, October 16, 2009
Saturday, September 26, 2009
Some thoughts...
I recently recieved an email from a very good friend with some pretty good questions addressing how I feel now that I have been here a year...I decided to share these questions and answers with you, so enjoy!
Is it worth it?
At times I have to question just how worth it is to be here, to be doing what I’m doing. At the end of the day, I fall asleep knowing that it is worth it and worth so much more. I like to refer to this experience as the beautiful struggle. Everyday you face challenges that will test the strength of your character, your faith in humanity, your views on the world and the people that fill it, and even after all the questions and struggling you do in your mind, you see just how beautiful it is. It’s a beautiful thing to be a part of culture of people that care about the larger and not just the self. I always felt disconnected from the American culture because I was never rich enough or by American standards the most beautiful but here none of that matters. So, yes it’s worth it and I will do all over again if I had to.
Is it still exciting?
Yes and no. It’s crazy to think that this is my life now. I feel like I have taken both feet off American soil finally, no longer trying to balance between the two. Why? There’s no point, if I couldn’t grasp the fact that I’m living here then it will still be difficult for me to be here. Malawi is home for now and I treat it as I would treat life in the states. I go through my routine and do my work, enjoy time with friends and try to stay positive. I’ve learned that regardless of where you go, you will always be you at the end of the day so everything else is just added detail. There so much I want to see and do here that I’m sure moments of excitement will arise, I get excited about my projects, but now things just seem normal.
Yes, I have thoughts of is this really worth it but that thought is always followed by my own personal philosophy of helping just one is just as important as helping many. I may not be able to see the most tangible outcomes but the small things really do make a difference to me and it allows for me to feel that my work truly is meaningful.
My best moment…
there are far too many. I feel like everyday has a best moment tucked in it somewhere. My worst moment will definetley have to be the feeling that I have let my students, teachers, and school down by not continuing to teach next year. So as with everything, the good comes with the bad and you just have to roll with it.
There is a large possibility that I will extend. After being here a year I feel like I just got a grasp on things and now I want to experience the 2 years with the grasp that I have. It is part of the reason why I decided not to teach, I can focus on the gender development and not feel like in a year I wasn’t able to accomplish much. Now, in case I can’t extend I can see if it’s something that I do truly feel passionate about or something that is just a passing phase.
The only thing I would change about what I’m doing is, I don’t want to do this in the scope of being a volunteer. I want to make a career out of this and this volunteering thing is just a temporary fix to that. I don’t feel limited by it I just wish it could be more permanent.
Is it worth it?
At times I have to question just how worth it is to be here, to be doing what I’m doing. At the end of the day, I fall asleep knowing that it is worth it and worth so much more. I like to refer to this experience as the beautiful struggle. Everyday you face challenges that will test the strength of your character, your faith in humanity, your views on the world and the people that fill it, and even after all the questions and struggling you do in your mind, you see just how beautiful it is. It’s a beautiful thing to be a part of culture of people that care about the larger and not just the self. I always felt disconnected from the American culture because I was never rich enough or by American standards the most beautiful but here none of that matters. So, yes it’s worth it and I will do all over again if I had to.
Is it still exciting?
Yes and no. It’s crazy to think that this is my life now. I feel like I have taken both feet off American soil finally, no longer trying to balance between the two. Why? There’s no point, if I couldn’t grasp the fact that I’m living here then it will still be difficult for me to be here. Malawi is home for now and I treat it as I would treat life in the states. I go through my routine and do my work, enjoy time with friends and try to stay positive. I’ve learned that regardless of where you go, you will always be you at the end of the day so everything else is just added detail. There so much I want to see and do here that I’m sure moments of excitement will arise, I get excited about my projects, but now things just seem normal.
Yes, I have thoughts of is this really worth it but that thought is always followed by my own personal philosophy of helping just one is just as important as helping many. I may not be able to see the most tangible outcomes but the small things really do make a difference to me and it allows for me to feel that my work truly is meaningful.
My best moment…
there are far too many. I feel like everyday has a best moment tucked in it somewhere. My worst moment will definetley have to be the feeling that I have let my students, teachers, and school down by not continuing to teach next year. So as with everything, the good comes with the bad and you just have to roll with it.
There is a large possibility that I will extend. After being here a year I feel like I just got a grasp on things and now I want to experience the 2 years with the grasp that I have. It is part of the reason why I decided not to teach, I can focus on the gender development and not feel like in a year I wasn’t able to accomplish much. Now, in case I can’t extend I can see if it’s something that I do truly feel passionate about or something that is just a passing phase.
The only thing I would change about what I’m doing is, I don’t want to do this in the scope of being a volunteer. I want to make a career out of this and this volunteering thing is just a temporary fix to that. I don’t feel limited by it I just wish it could be more permanent.
Saturday, September 12, 2009
Making moves...
In just a couple short weeks I will have been off the U.S soil for a year! Can you believe that a whole year has passed? I’m amazed, I can look back and be happy for all those times I wanted to throw in the towel and didn’t, I have really become a firm believer that you can do whatever you set your mind to as long as your willing to work for it. I figured I would use this email to share non-project related thoughts.
So here it goes…
A year…a year...wow, it’s been a year. After a year I should surely have more thoughts on life here or life in general. Before I came I was posed this question several times, this question being what I thought my purpose for coming to the Peace Corps, to Africa, was. At the time I couldn’t really answer and still couldn’t answer months into my service and even now still not sure I can, but I’ll try to explain more on where I think I’m heading, as always life can never be planned but too many things seem to pull me in this direction so maybe instead of going against it, I should just go with it.
It is not a hidden fact that I have been raised by a strong, beautiful, intelligent, hardworking, supportive, and understanding mother. Sometimes I think I may be crazy for being in such awe of my mother but she is amazing and for many years has not gotten the recognition she deserves. Growing up, I not only had my mother but a band of other strong, beautiful, intelligent and independent women guiding, supporting, loving me. These women in conjunction with my mother have shown me that I can do anything. I look at my girl friends, every single one of them has their own story, their own trials and tribulations, I’m in awe every time I see one of them reach down inside of themselves and pull out the strength that is needed to get through difficult situations. I see beautiful, young women fighting to find their place in this crazy, crowded place. I’m proud of them for not taking the easy road but challenging what society expects of them and continuing to work towards reaching their goals. Every single one of my girl friends has talents and skills and something that only she can share with the world. Just as all the women who have and continue to raise me have imparted knowledge on me, my friends have as well. I have learned a lot about life and myself through all these different relationships and what one has to offer is different from the next as we all have unique gifts to give. (Sorry if it seems like I’m rambling.) I have truly been blessed in the fact I have been surrounded by strong women because it allows for me to be a strong woman as well. I’m sure my point is in here somewhere…
A few weeks ago at school I was entering my form1 classroom and there was a knock at the door behind me. It was Cedric, the headboy, he had come to collect all the students who haven’t helped clean up around the school. As the students filed out, I began looking around the room and what did I see? More girls than boys. Now, I get on my students about gender equality when assigning chores. It’s coming along kamana kamana (slowly). Anyway, I was shocked but pleased and saddened at the same time. First, this is the first time that I ever taught a class here that was a majority of girls. I can say I had an aha! moment as my mind was doing cartwheels and flips because for once my girls are able to learn uninterrupted. For once, my girls are able to learn and not have to be worried about having to do some various chore. My girls could learn. Since becoming the “mother” of two girls and seeing all they do here, I have only gained a deeper respect for all my girls because damn! they do a lot of work on top of school, the odds are not in their favor but they find the strength from deep down inside to keep it moving. So as I was looking out on to the sea of girls’ faces and in between the “hell yeah this is awesome!” thoughts clicked. Perhaps my purpose is to encourage and lift up girls/women who are marginalized by society and provide them with the encouragement, tools and knowledge to reach whatever their goals are. I have been blessed and privileged to grow up and be surrounded by a group of strong women and now it is my responsibility to pass that along.
I have always been drawn to sharing my knowledge and skills with groups of women who are working hard at achieving their goals. From the women’s GED class I taught for in Nashville to my girls club in Malawi, I have always been in a position to pass on what I have learned from all the strong women in my life, the message of “you can do it.” Yes, this message has more weight than ever before, all the times I have been told I can do it, has made me want to do it, and do it; now its time for me to pass that same message along. The power of encouraging one another is amazing. Yes, I had to do all the work myself but knowing that there were several somebodys out there that believed in me and told me I could do it, made me work hard to do it.
You never know exactly where life will lead you, I’m okay with the idea that things can change and if they do, so be it. It took coming to Malawi, standing in front of a group of girls in a dilapidated class for me to realize how grateful and lucky I am for all the women who have encouraged and continue to encourage me. If you are a woman and receiving this email, thank you. I am me, without you I could not be. Africa, Malawi, has done wonders for my mind, body, and soul and will forever be grateful for this experience and someone believing in me enough to allow me to do this.
I hope this made sense, I’m not sure if I’ll ever be able to express my thoughts completely, show me a person who can, but hopefully this gives you a better glimpse into the mind of me after 1 year in Malawi.
As always there is more….
I couldn’t just leave you hanging on the other happenings in my life. Projects, projects, projects! Oh my! Things are moving along smoothly. The Girls Leadership Academy has been given a facelift. After thinking about the purpose and what this experience is really suppose to be, I realized the name is not exactly what the program entitles. What’s in a name really? The Girls Leadership Academy is now known as Women2Women. The reason for the name change is because it’s not necessarily a place where girls are coming to learn leadership skills, I hope they do pick some up along the way, but it more about creating a space that invokes dialogue between the women involved. There are two aspects of this program-the girls and the mentors. Yes, another aspect has been added. After thinking some, I realized that I can run this program, teach all the girls skills, but there needs to be some on going support that I know I can not necessarily provide. The mentor program is an educational activity for women who have been identified by the volunteers from each village involved as women who are leaders and have the ability to continue the dialogue with girls involved along with educate others in their communities. These women will become gender development extension workers and will learn most of the same topics the girls are learning but to add on more about gender equality, what to do in certain situations(rape, domestic violence etc..) basically, just how they can be better role models and support systems for the girls in their villages. My sitemates-Natalie, Megan, and Melanie are all on board and providing me with support and serving as community liasions which I appreciate and grateful for because I can’t be in all places at once and just can’t do it alone. Melanie will be heading up the mentor program as I’m overseeing the girls program. We are hoping to have this be a test run and then continue with future workshops in each village and villages of other volunteers in the area. As of now, I’m just plugging away at finding funding and donations. October will be the sink or swim time as I’m juggling taking the GRE, being a resource volunteer for the new education group coming in(spend a week in training, letting them know they will survive and the chim is not that bad…hahaha) and in between there preparing my students for their national exams. The GRE is not as big of a priority as it should be, but I look at it as my students obtaining their MSCE which can have a huge impact on their future in terms of finding employment and continuing education, a much bigger impact than me obtaining a 2nd degree. I have options; they don’t at the moment but with their MCSE will have more. Camp Sky is coming along, after Women2Women , I’ll be in Lilongwe busy preparing for that and making sure things are in order. We have a site secured which is great and got a good rate for it seeing as finding funding is a bit hard being rough times and the strict guidelines and us just not fitting them. Life is busy…December is looking like a good monthJ Eunice is getting married! In December to her fiancé of 2 years. I’m quite excited and plan on being at the wedding. I asked her is she was happy about the decision or excited, she said she doesn’t know because she doesn’t know what it’s like to be married, she’ll tell me once it happens…haha. This means that she will eventually be moving from Kasitu which sucks for me but I can always visit her wherever she goes. I’m happy for her nonetheless. School is coming along, due to the grants and having to meet with higher ups in Lilongwe I have missed a couple more days than I want to but my fellow teachers are great and have been taking my lesson notes and teaching for me when I’m absent. I always check with my students to make sure they were taught, my teachers I think like to do it because they like the lesson notes that are being left for them(pretty much detailed down to the words they should say hahaha can’t come back to confusion). Martha and Chisomo are good. They are progressing in their English skills and I’m progressing in my Chitonga. We’re pretty n’sync when it comes to household things. We’re a team, they’re not my maids, when they have afternoon studies I take care of the washing of dishes and getting water. I clean my room and wash my clothes, I just don’t cook…haha, hey I have to draw the line somewhere…ok you know I can’t cook. Overall, life is progressing by quickly, to quickly for me some days. I can’t believe I made it a year and you have survived a year without me in your presence…I know it was hard for you, but its all worth it J
I’m going to quit rambling just wanted to get it all out while I can remember and ask any questions you have.
Xoxoxo Court
So here it goes…
A year…a year...wow, it’s been a year. After a year I should surely have more thoughts on life here or life in general. Before I came I was posed this question several times, this question being what I thought my purpose for coming to the Peace Corps, to Africa, was. At the time I couldn’t really answer and still couldn’t answer months into my service and even now still not sure I can, but I’ll try to explain more on where I think I’m heading, as always life can never be planned but too many things seem to pull me in this direction so maybe instead of going against it, I should just go with it.
It is not a hidden fact that I have been raised by a strong, beautiful, intelligent, hardworking, supportive, and understanding mother. Sometimes I think I may be crazy for being in such awe of my mother but she is amazing and for many years has not gotten the recognition she deserves. Growing up, I not only had my mother but a band of other strong, beautiful, intelligent and independent women guiding, supporting, loving me. These women in conjunction with my mother have shown me that I can do anything. I look at my girl friends, every single one of them has their own story, their own trials and tribulations, I’m in awe every time I see one of them reach down inside of themselves and pull out the strength that is needed to get through difficult situations. I see beautiful, young women fighting to find their place in this crazy, crowded place. I’m proud of them for not taking the easy road but challenging what society expects of them and continuing to work towards reaching their goals. Every single one of my girl friends has talents and skills and something that only she can share with the world. Just as all the women who have and continue to raise me have imparted knowledge on me, my friends have as well. I have learned a lot about life and myself through all these different relationships and what one has to offer is different from the next as we all have unique gifts to give. (Sorry if it seems like I’m rambling.) I have truly been blessed in the fact I have been surrounded by strong women because it allows for me to be a strong woman as well. I’m sure my point is in here somewhere…
A few weeks ago at school I was entering my form1 classroom and there was a knock at the door behind me. It was Cedric, the headboy, he had come to collect all the students who haven’t helped clean up around the school. As the students filed out, I began looking around the room and what did I see? More girls than boys. Now, I get on my students about gender equality when assigning chores. It’s coming along kamana kamana (slowly). Anyway, I was shocked but pleased and saddened at the same time. First, this is the first time that I ever taught a class here that was a majority of girls. I can say I had an aha! moment as my mind was doing cartwheels and flips because for once my girls are able to learn uninterrupted. For once, my girls are able to learn and not have to be worried about having to do some various chore. My girls could learn. Since becoming the “mother” of two girls and seeing all they do here, I have only gained a deeper respect for all my girls because damn! they do a lot of work on top of school, the odds are not in their favor but they find the strength from deep down inside to keep it moving. So as I was looking out on to the sea of girls’ faces and in between the “hell yeah this is awesome!” thoughts clicked. Perhaps my purpose is to encourage and lift up girls/women who are marginalized by society and provide them with the encouragement, tools and knowledge to reach whatever their goals are. I have been blessed and privileged to grow up and be surrounded by a group of strong women and now it is my responsibility to pass that along.
I have always been drawn to sharing my knowledge and skills with groups of women who are working hard at achieving their goals. From the women’s GED class I taught for in Nashville to my girls club in Malawi, I have always been in a position to pass on what I have learned from all the strong women in my life, the message of “you can do it.” Yes, this message has more weight than ever before, all the times I have been told I can do it, has made me want to do it, and do it; now its time for me to pass that same message along. The power of encouraging one another is amazing. Yes, I had to do all the work myself but knowing that there were several somebodys out there that believed in me and told me I could do it, made me work hard to do it.
You never know exactly where life will lead you, I’m okay with the idea that things can change and if they do, so be it. It took coming to Malawi, standing in front of a group of girls in a dilapidated class for me to realize how grateful and lucky I am for all the women who have encouraged and continue to encourage me. If you are a woman and receiving this email, thank you. I am me, without you I could not be. Africa, Malawi, has done wonders for my mind, body, and soul and will forever be grateful for this experience and someone believing in me enough to allow me to do this.
I hope this made sense, I’m not sure if I’ll ever be able to express my thoughts completely, show me a person who can, but hopefully this gives you a better glimpse into the mind of me after 1 year in Malawi.
As always there is more….
I couldn’t just leave you hanging on the other happenings in my life. Projects, projects, projects! Oh my! Things are moving along smoothly. The Girls Leadership Academy has been given a facelift. After thinking about the purpose and what this experience is really suppose to be, I realized the name is not exactly what the program entitles. What’s in a name really? The Girls Leadership Academy is now known as Women2Women. The reason for the name change is because it’s not necessarily a place where girls are coming to learn leadership skills, I hope they do pick some up along the way, but it more about creating a space that invokes dialogue between the women involved. There are two aspects of this program-the girls and the mentors. Yes, another aspect has been added. After thinking some, I realized that I can run this program, teach all the girls skills, but there needs to be some on going support that I know I can not necessarily provide. The mentor program is an educational activity for women who have been identified by the volunteers from each village involved as women who are leaders and have the ability to continue the dialogue with girls involved along with educate others in their communities. These women will become gender development extension workers and will learn most of the same topics the girls are learning but to add on more about gender equality, what to do in certain situations(rape, domestic violence etc..) basically, just how they can be better role models and support systems for the girls in their villages. My sitemates-Natalie, Megan, and Melanie are all on board and providing me with support and serving as community liasions which I appreciate and grateful for because I can’t be in all places at once and just can’t do it alone. Melanie will be heading up the mentor program as I’m overseeing the girls program. We are hoping to have this be a test run and then continue with future workshops in each village and villages of other volunteers in the area. As of now, I’m just plugging away at finding funding and donations. October will be the sink or swim time as I’m juggling taking the GRE, being a resource volunteer for the new education group coming in(spend a week in training, letting them know they will survive and the chim is not that bad…hahaha) and in between there preparing my students for their national exams. The GRE is not as big of a priority as it should be, but I look at it as my students obtaining their MSCE which can have a huge impact on their future in terms of finding employment and continuing education, a much bigger impact than me obtaining a 2nd degree. I have options; they don’t at the moment but with their MCSE will have more. Camp Sky is coming along, after Women2Women , I’ll be in Lilongwe busy preparing for that and making sure things are in order. We have a site secured which is great and got a good rate for it seeing as finding funding is a bit hard being rough times and the strict guidelines and us just not fitting them. Life is busy…December is looking like a good monthJ Eunice is getting married! In December to her fiancé of 2 years. I’m quite excited and plan on being at the wedding. I asked her is she was happy about the decision or excited, she said she doesn’t know because she doesn’t know what it’s like to be married, she’ll tell me once it happens…haha. This means that she will eventually be moving from Kasitu which sucks for me but I can always visit her wherever she goes. I’m happy for her nonetheless. School is coming along, due to the grants and having to meet with higher ups in Lilongwe I have missed a couple more days than I want to but my fellow teachers are great and have been taking my lesson notes and teaching for me when I’m absent. I always check with my students to make sure they were taught, my teachers I think like to do it because they like the lesson notes that are being left for them(pretty much detailed down to the words they should say hahaha can’t come back to confusion). Martha and Chisomo are good. They are progressing in their English skills and I’m progressing in my Chitonga. We’re pretty n’sync when it comes to household things. We’re a team, they’re not my maids, when they have afternoon studies I take care of the washing of dishes and getting water. I clean my room and wash my clothes, I just don’t cook…haha, hey I have to draw the line somewhere…ok you know I can’t cook. Overall, life is progressing by quickly, to quickly for me some days. I can’t believe I made it a year and you have survived a year without me in your presence…I know it was hard for you, but its all worth it J
I’m going to quit rambling just wanted to get it all out while I can remember and ask any questions you have.
Xoxoxo Court
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
ready..set..GO!
I have:
-Registered for the GRE in October
-Gotten a lot of work done
-Eaten enough good food to last me a month
-Enjoyed my time(as always)
-Laughed a lot
-Smiled more
And realized quite a few things...
*Malawi is not poor, it has quite a few resources that are poorly managed.
*My career path seems to become clearer everyday.
*I live in my own world, within in my own space most of the time.
*I enjoy Malawi, it has a lot to offer. Not focusing on the negative helps that.
*I don't really agree with pop culture or politics and don't over indulge in either.
*Decided that i'm going to be my own boss.
*Money is not my motivator, learning is.
*Good conversation is hands down the most gratifying thing.
O.K enough of that...
I'm done and going home...(to kasitu)
xoxox
-Registered for the GRE in October
-Gotten a lot of work done
-Eaten enough good food to last me a month
-Enjoyed my time(as always)
-Laughed a lot
-Smiled more
And realized quite a few things...
*Malawi is not poor, it has quite a few resources that are poorly managed.
*My career path seems to become clearer everyday.
*I live in my own world, within in my own space most of the time.
*I enjoy Malawi, it has a lot to offer. Not focusing on the negative helps that.
*I don't really agree with pop culture or politics and don't over indulge in either.
*Decided that i'm going to be my own boss.
*Money is not my motivator, learning is.
*Good conversation is hands down the most gratifying thing.
O.K enough of that...
I'm done and going home...(to kasitu)
xoxox
And we're off...
Greetings! I hope this finds you all doing well. I’m getting ready to complete my much needed and wanted vacation. It has been a nice stress reliever and has allowed for me to get my thoughts organized as I come up on my third term of teaching. I figured I would take this email to share with you a few thoughts and some things that have occurred lately that I have been unable to share due to lack of time. So here it goes…
Highs and lows...
A low…
The day I was released from the hospital I received a phone call from Francis, the chairperson of the Kasitu AIDS Organization, informing me of the sudden death of Linily, the vice chairperson of KAO. In the past couple of weeks there have been several funerals (more than four I believe) but none really hit me as this one has. I attended a few of the funerals, not because I knew the person who has passed away but because it shows that I’m not just invested in my work but my community as well. Plus, I was told by my friend Edith that it makes me a “good woman” whatever that is supposed to mean. When the Kasitu AIDS Organization was formed and officers were chosen, all of those voting were confident in the skills that Linily had in order to assist the group reach its goals. Linily was actively involved in her community but also in her home not only caring for her child as a single mother but helping bringing in income to support her parents and siblings. I have been in awe of women for all that they do and hearing about the death of Linily just made me think that her community has just lost a key player in its’ development activities but the girls of the community have lost a great role model. The community is unsure of the cause of death and because there is no real explanations for her sudden death so many people believe it is witchcraft, others believe it may have been cerebral malaria, but I know that question will hang in the air. This is supposed to be the wedding season but for some reason it is the funeral season in Kasitu. The day after I left for vacation 4 children (one I believe to have been a form one student of mine but won’t be sure until I return to Kasitu) were hit by a car as the car was trying to swerve to miss a stone in the road and killed instantly. The driver was arrested on the spot and the people of Kasitu were pissed so they torched the car. My perspective on death has always been a bit different and even though I see it as just a natural part of life as birth, man, I wasn’t expecting to be overwhelmed with so many deaths in such a short time. It really shows you that life is short and too precious to waste time on bullshit (excuse my language).
A high…
My boarding students are amazing! Chisomo and Martha get up every morning around 5 and begin cleaning before preparing breakfast. It’s nice having them there, not necessarily for the conversation aspect but because they lift so much weight off my shoulders in terms of keeping my house in order. I say let’s have beans for dinner and it’s there, I ask if they can go to the market to pick up a few things and they go, it’s simply amazing.
Another high…
Camp GLOW was amazing! I taught a couple of classes focusing on self-esteem and IGA(Income Generating Activities). The energy was great and just what I needed to get me re-motivated and excited to return to my own work. The girls gained a lot of valuable experiences, my student Charity was smiling from ear to ear the entire time. Simply amazing…which made me realize that girls/women’s education and empowerment in sub-Saharan Africa seems to be pulling on me for a future career option. Hmm…maybe, but first grad school.
Another high…Vacation was amazing, I went to Senga Bay which is about 230K south of me for a couple days of relaxing on the beach. My friend Jazmian and I took a boat out to Lizard Island and had lunch and swam. Yes, there were lizards everywhere but they managed to keep their distance from me. I came back a bit sunburned but its ok and well worth it. I’m ready to head home to Kasitu, there’s nothing like your own bed.
Project Updates
Kasitu Primary School boarding facility is moving along at snail pace…well, everyone involved is on holiday. Prince has flown the coup and went to South Africa to find work and more money. He may be back in 6 months, he may not. The Primary Education Advisor Assistant has taken his place, so once we’re all back in Kasitu we will meet to discuss what to do next. My headmaster is a bit weary of the project just because the headmaster at the Primary School is a bit crooked and much rather have me bring electricity to his house ( my response when the Primary School Headmaster asked for electricity was “I’m not a miracle worker” haha, told him it takes a lot of time and energy to bring electricity somewhere and you already own a bar on the road with electricity you need to be more focused on bring electricity to your school not your home.) We shall see how this plays out. Eunice is still on board and that makes it worthwhile.The Girls Leadership Academy is coming along well. I have been able to lock in a location at the boarding girls’ secondary school about 30K from my house. The total cost for the facility, the cooks, and firewood comes out to about 16,500MK or $117 USD. A bunch of the beverages and snacks that are the leftovers from Camp GLOW will be donated which is fantastic seeing as it will get me under the $1000USD that is the maximum for applying for a mini-camp grant. The more I’m able to fundraise the easier it is. The Kasitu AIDS Organization suffered a blow with the death of Liniliy, but Augustine was voted in to take her place and we’re moving along. Francis and I, will head to the District Assembly in the boma (district center) on Friday to register the organization which will make it easier when it comes time to get funding or use of resources.Okay, that about sums it all up.
If you have questions as always feel free to ask.
Love,
Courtney
Highs and lows...
A low…
The day I was released from the hospital I received a phone call from Francis, the chairperson of the Kasitu AIDS Organization, informing me of the sudden death of Linily, the vice chairperson of KAO. In the past couple of weeks there have been several funerals (more than four I believe) but none really hit me as this one has. I attended a few of the funerals, not because I knew the person who has passed away but because it shows that I’m not just invested in my work but my community as well. Plus, I was told by my friend Edith that it makes me a “good woman” whatever that is supposed to mean. When the Kasitu AIDS Organization was formed and officers were chosen, all of those voting were confident in the skills that Linily had in order to assist the group reach its goals. Linily was actively involved in her community but also in her home not only caring for her child as a single mother but helping bringing in income to support her parents and siblings. I have been in awe of women for all that they do and hearing about the death of Linily just made me think that her community has just lost a key player in its’ development activities but the girls of the community have lost a great role model. The community is unsure of the cause of death and because there is no real explanations for her sudden death so many people believe it is witchcraft, others believe it may have been cerebral malaria, but I know that question will hang in the air. This is supposed to be the wedding season but for some reason it is the funeral season in Kasitu. The day after I left for vacation 4 children (one I believe to have been a form one student of mine but won’t be sure until I return to Kasitu) were hit by a car as the car was trying to swerve to miss a stone in the road and killed instantly. The driver was arrested on the spot and the people of Kasitu were pissed so they torched the car. My perspective on death has always been a bit different and even though I see it as just a natural part of life as birth, man, I wasn’t expecting to be overwhelmed with so many deaths in such a short time. It really shows you that life is short and too precious to waste time on bullshit (excuse my language).
A high…
My boarding students are amazing! Chisomo and Martha get up every morning around 5 and begin cleaning before preparing breakfast. It’s nice having them there, not necessarily for the conversation aspect but because they lift so much weight off my shoulders in terms of keeping my house in order. I say let’s have beans for dinner and it’s there, I ask if they can go to the market to pick up a few things and they go, it’s simply amazing.
Another high…
Camp GLOW was amazing! I taught a couple of classes focusing on self-esteem and IGA(Income Generating Activities). The energy was great and just what I needed to get me re-motivated and excited to return to my own work. The girls gained a lot of valuable experiences, my student Charity was smiling from ear to ear the entire time. Simply amazing…which made me realize that girls/women’s education and empowerment in sub-Saharan Africa seems to be pulling on me for a future career option. Hmm…maybe, but first grad school.
Another high…Vacation was amazing, I went to Senga Bay which is about 230K south of me for a couple days of relaxing on the beach. My friend Jazmian and I took a boat out to Lizard Island and had lunch and swam. Yes, there were lizards everywhere but they managed to keep their distance from me. I came back a bit sunburned but its ok and well worth it. I’m ready to head home to Kasitu, there’s nothing like your own bed.
Project Updates
Kasitu Primary School boarding facility is moving along at snail pace…well, everyone involved is on holiday. Prince has flown the coup and went to South Africa to find work and more money. He may be back in 6 months, he may not. The Primary Education Advisor Assistant has taken his place, so once we’re all back in Kasitu we will meet to discuss what to do next. My headmaster is a bit weary of the project just because the headmaster at the Primary School is a bit crooked and much rather have me bring electricity to his house ( my response when the Primary School Headmaster asked for electricity was “I’m not a miracle worker” haha, told him it takes a lot of time and energy to bring electricity somewhere and you already own a bar on the road with electricity you need to be more focused on bring electricity to your school not your home.) We shall see how this plays out. Eunice is still on board and that makes it worthwhile.The Girls Leadership Academy is coming along well. I have been able to lock in a location at the boarding girls’ secondary school about 30K from my house. The total cost for the facility, the cooks, and firewood comes out to about 16,500MK or $117 USD. A bunch of the beverages and snacks that are the leftovers from Camp GLOW will be donated which is fantastic seeing as it will get me under the $1000USD that is the maximum for applying for a mini-camp grant. The more I’m able to fundraise the easier it is. The Kasitu AIDS Organization suffered a blow with the death of Liniliy, but Augustine was voted in to take her place and we’re moving along. Francis and I, will head to the District Assembly in the boma (district center) on Friday to register the organization which will make it easier when it comes time to get funding or use of resources.Okay, that about sums it all up.
If you have questions as always feel free to ask.
Love,
Courtney
Saturday, July 18, 2009
time is ticking...
Greetings,
As you are reading this I hope you are doing well. It has been awhile since I last updated this but I guess that means I have a lot to write. The school term is coming to a close and unlike last term, this term has gone a lot smoother. Teachers seemed to work a little harder and show more dedication to their work. I'm not saying they miracuously became super teachers but the small improvements is enough to be grateful for. The teachers even got their exams done on time and exams are running better. I took the time this term to really get to know my fellow teachers and to get a better idea of what motivates them and their reasons for teaching. The teachers who actually enjoy their jobs are the ones who spend the most time at their job where as the ones who "fell" into teaching have a little(or a lot) less effort. I don't blame them, i've worked jobs I didn't enjoy and because I didn't enjoy it I put less energy into doing a good job. But you have to do what you have to do when you really don't have a choice. It's all about survival and even though the students are the ones to suffer, as a teacher and a trained one, I can't let my fellow teachers behavior effect how I work. The level of professionalism I would carry out in the states is the same here. As a trained teacher it would put my teaching training program and myself to shame to give less than what i'm capable of giving. Now what i'm capable of giving is different from others and when you move away from the comparisons you truly are able to focus on the task at hand. I can't focus on what the next person is doing because it will take away from what i'm suppose to do. To be honest not every education volunteer is meant to be a teacher and that's ok. I've come to realize that my training is what keeps me afloat in most situations and if I didn't have that training I would have folded a long time ago. Personally, after this I don't want to be a classroom teacher and i'm fine with that. It just doesn't fit my passion or hold my interest. I love using education in practical development such as teaching life skills because let's face it, when are students really going to have to know the difference between a gerund and infinitive besides for a test? Teaching students health, hygiene, business skills are practical and beneficial from the time they learn it on. Something I have learned while here is you have to do what makes you happy, both work and personal. I came in as a teacher but do TDF(Teacher Development Facilitator) work because its challenging but there is a sense of accomplishment that comes with it. I do community education projects because that is what i'm interested in and if I didn't have something that I was passionate about I would be one sad bird.
For me, my village makes me happy and I feel lucky(or blessed) to have the village that I do. I seriously think that I have the best village in Malawi, but i'm sure others will argue against that. My village is my family, they take care of me and check me when needed, they provide me with the support I need to not only be here but to do my work. My village reminds me of communities I belong to in the states and having the comfort of being in a community is not only something I value but something that I thrive off of. Now don't get me wrong, there are times that I need to get away but after a day or so I'm ready to go back. I'm starting to think or realize that the hardest part of service is not homestay or the first couple of weeks at site but it's the time when I will have to say goodbye and although i'm only 10 months in and still have 1 1/2 years to go, i'm already dreading the time that I will have to and i'm sure that will be the hardest part of my service.
I'm just about 10 months in and i'm glad that at the times I wanted to go home I stuck it out. I think this has by far been the longest and most consistent time of happiness and I know it's partially because of Malawi but more so the lessons that I have learned during my time here. These lessons will last a lifetime and the one that I currently value most is the act of thinking and serving others while still prioritizing yourself. For a long time I put others before me, I would mask my needs and wants to make sure the needs and wants of others were being met. I spent a lot of time putting others first but what sense does it make to put other people first in YOUR life? Especially, if they're not doing the same for you. I'm happy because I know my limits and stick to them, stay away from people I don't feel connected too(why waste time when there's no connection, use that energy in places where there is). I can't guarantee that I will feel this way in a month, week, day, or hour but for now it doesn't matter, i'm going to enjoy this moment. I've also come to accept that I really don't know what I want to do in the future. I use to be a planner but that all went out the window. Life is like an escalator, it's keeps going whether you get on or not and it's harder to go back than forward. Life is meant to be lived and not watched, do what makes you happy and who cares what others think or expect.
In 2 months we will welcome the new education group. Returning to the airport but being within the perspective of 'welcoming' and not 'welcomed' will bring about an array of emotions. I'm excited for the new group because 1. I will be considered a 2nd year volunteer which is a milestone and accomplishment in itself 2. because I can relate to how they are going to feel as they step off the plane and get wisked away to Dedza for training and begin this crazy but amazing experience they call Peace Corps Malawi.
At this point i'm ending my monologue, I hope you enjoyed reading and if you didn't, well it's a good thing you won't be forced to read it again...
Until next time,
Love and hugs from the Warm Heart of Africa!
xoxo
Courtney
As you are reading this I hope you are doing well. It has been awhile since I last updated this but I guess that means I have a lot to write. The school term is coming to a close and unlike last term, this term has gone a lot smoother. Teachers seemed to work a little harder and show more dedication to their work. I'm not saying they miracuously became super teachers but the small improvements is enough to be grateful for. The teachers even got their exams done on time and exams are running better. I took the time this term to really get to know my fellow teachers and to get a better idea of what motivates them and their reasons for teaching. The teachers who actually enjoy their jobs are the ones who spend the most time at their job where as the ones who "fell" into teaching have a little(or a lot) less effort. I don't blame them, i've worked jobs I didn't enjoy and because I didn't enjoy it I put less energy into doing a good job. But you have to do what you have to do when you really don't have a choice. It's all about survival and even though the students are the ones to suffer, as a teacher and a trained one, I can't let my fellow teachers behavior effect how I work. The level of professionalism I would carry out in the states is the same here. As a trained teacher it would put my teaching training program and myself to shame to give less than what i'm capable of giving. Now what i'm capable of giving is different from others and when you move away from the comparisons you truly are able to focus on the task at hand. I can't focus on what the next person is doing because it will take away from what i'm suppose to do. To be honest not every education volunteer is meant to be a teacher and that's ok. I've come to realize that my training is what keeps me afloat in most situations and if I didn't have that training I would have folded a long time ago. Personally, after this I don't want to be a classroom teacher and i'm fine with that. It just doesn't fit my passion or hold my interest. I love using education in practical development such as teaching life skills because let's face it, when are students really going to have to know the difference between a gerund and infinitive besides for a test? Teaching students health, hygiene, business skills are practical and beneficial from the time they learn it on. Something I have learned while here is you have to do what makes you happy, both work and personal. I came in as a teacher but do TDF(Teacher Development Facilitator) work because its challenging but there is a sense of accomplishment that comes with it. I do community education projects because that is what i'm interested in and if I didn't have something that I was passionate about I would be one sad bird.
For me, my village makes me happy and I feel lucky(or blessed) to have the village that I do. I seriously think that I have the best village in Malawi, but i'm sure others will argue against that. My village is my family, they take care of me and check me when needed, they provide me with the support I need to not only be here but to do my work. My village reminds me of communities I belong to in the states and having the comfort of being in a community is not only something I value but something that I thrive off of. Now don't get me wrong, there are times that I need to get away but after a day or so I'm ready to go back. I'm starting to think or realize that the hardest part of service is not homestay or the first couple of weeks at site but it's the time when I will have to say goodbye and although i'm only 10 months in and still have 1 1/2 years to go, i'm already dreading the time that I will have to and i'm sure that will be the hardest part of my service.
I'm just about 10 months in and i'm glad that at the times I wanted to go home I stuck it out. I think this has by far been the longest and most consistent time of happiness and I know it's partially because of Malawi but more so the lessons that I have learned during my time here. These lessons will last a lifetime and the one that I currently value most is the act of thinking and serving others while still prioritizing yourself. For a long time I put others before me, I would mask my needs and wants to make sure the needs and wants of others were being met. I spent a lot of time putting others first but what sense does it make to put other people first in YOUR life? Especially, if they're not doing the same for you. I'm happy because I know my limits and stick to them, stay away from people I don't feel connected too(why waste time when there's no connection, use that energy in places where there is). I can't guarantee that I will feel this way in a month, week, day, or hour but for now it doesn't matter, i'm going to enjoy this moment. I've also come to accept that I really don't know what I want to do in the future. I use to be a planner but that all went out the window. Life is like an escalator, it's keeps going whether you get on or not and it's harder to go back than forward. Life is meant to be lived and not watched, do what makes you happy and who cares what others think or expect.
In 2 months we will welcome the new education group. Returning to the airport but being within the perspective of 'welcoming' and not 'welcomed' will bring about an array of emotions. I'm excited for the new group because 1. I will be considered a 2nd year volunteer which is a milestone and accomplishment in itself 2. because I can relate to how they are going to feel as they step off the plane and get wisked away to Dedza for training and begin this crazy but amazing experience they call Peace Corps Malawi.
At this point i'm ending my monologue, I hope you enjoyed reading and if you didn't, well it's a good thing you won't be forced to read it again...
Until next time,
Love and hugs from the Warm Heart of Africa!
xoxo
Courtney
Friday, April 17, 2009
XOXO With Love XOXO
As I get ready to ease on down the road back to Kasitu, just wanted to do a quick blog update. I hope all bridges and roads are intact so I can get back to site TODAY, I have a much overdue meeting with my bed this evening. My mom is amazing because she sends amazing packages...so thanks! My friends are amazing because they provide me the support and encouragement I need to make it through this and be a better person. I will update this soon with how my camp and workshops go and hopefully will have tons of pictures to share from the camp:)
until next time...
Peace, Love, and Hugs from the Wart Heart-
Court
until next time...
Peace, Love, and Hugs from the Wart Heart-
Court
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
