Some thoughts...

I recently recieved an email from a very good friend with some pretty good questions addressing how I feel now that I have been here a year...I decided to share these questions and answers with you, so enjoy!



Is it worth it?
At times I have to question just how worth it is to be here, to be doing what I’m doing. At the end of the day, I fall asleep knowing that it is worth it and worth so much more. I like to refer to this experience as the beautiful struggle. Everyday you face challenges that will test the strength of your character, your faith in humanity, your views on the world and the people that fill it, and even after all the questions and struggling you do in your mind, you see just how beautiful it is. It’s a beautiful thing to be a part of culture of people that care about the larger and not just the self. I always felt disconnected from the American culture because I was never rich enough or by American standards the most beautiful but here none of that matters. So, yes it’s worth it and I will do all over again if I had to.
Is it still exciting?
Yes and no. It’s crazy to think that this is my life now. I feel like I have taken both feet off American soil finally, no longer trying to balance between the two. Why? There’s no point, if I couldn’t grasp the fact that I’m living here then it will still be difficult for me to be here. Malawi is home for now and I treat it as I would treat life in the states. I go through my routine and do my work, enjoy time with friends and try to stay positive. I’ve learned that regardless of where you go, you will always be you at the end of the day so everything else is just added detail. There so much I want to see and do here that I’m sure moments of excitement will arise, I get excited about my projects, but now things just seem normal.
Yes, I have thoughts of is this really worth it but that thought is always followed by my own personal philosophy of helping just one is just as important as helping many. I may not be able to see the most tangible outcomes but the small things really do make a difference to me and it allows for me to feel that my work truly is meaningful.
My best moment…
there are far too many. I feel like everyday has a best moment tucked in it somewhere. My worst moment will definetley have to be the feeling that I have let my students, teachers, and school down by not continuing to teach next year. So as with everything, the good comes with the bad and you just have to roll with it.
There is a large possibility that I will extend. After being here a year I feel like I just got a grasp on things and now I want to experience the 2 years with the grasp that I have. It is part of the reason why I decided not to teach, I can focus on the gender development and not feel like in a year I wasn’t able to accomplish much. Now, in case I can’t extend I can see if it’s something that I do truly feel passionate about or something that is just a passing phase.
The only thing I would change about what I’m doing is, I don’t want to do this in the scope of being a volunteer. I want to make a career out of this and this volunteering thing is just a temporary fix to that. I don’t feel limited by it I just wish it could be more permanent.