time is ticking...

Greetings,
As you are reading this I hope you are doing well. It has been awhile since I last updated this but I guess that means I have a lot to write. The school term is coming to a close and unlike last term, this term has gone a lot smoother. Teachers seemed to work a little harder and show more dedication to their work. I'm not saying they miracuously became super teachers but the small improvements is enough to be grateful for. The teachers even got their exams done on time and exams are running better. I took the time this term to really get to know my fellow teachers and to get a better idea of what motivates them and their reasons for teaching. The teachers who actually enjoy their jobs are the ones who spend the most time at their job where as the ones who "fell" into teaching have a little(or a lot) less effort. I don't blame them, i've worked jobs I didn't enjoy and because I didn't enjoy it I put less energy into doing a good job. But you have to do what you have to do when you really don't have a choice. It's all about survival and even though the students are the ones to suffer, as a teacher and a trained one, I can't let my fellow teachers behavior effect how I work. The level of professionalism I would carry out in the states is the same here. As a trained teacher it would put my teaching training program and myself to shame to give less than what i'm capable of giving. Now what i'm capable of giving is different from others and when you move away from the comparisons you truly are able to focus on the task at hand. I can't focus on what the next person is doing because it will take away from what i'm suppose to do. To be honest not every education volunteer is meant to be a teacher and that's ok. I've come to realize that my training is what keeps me afloat in most situations and if I didn't have that training I would have folded a long time ago. Personally, after this I don't want to be a classroom teacher and i'm fine with that. It just doesn't fit my passion or hold my interest. I love using education in practical development such as teaching life skills because let's face it, when are students really going to have to know the difference between a gerund and infinitive besides for a test? Teaching students health, hygiene, business skills are practical and beneficial from the time they learn it on. Something I have learned while here is you have to do what makes you happy, both work and personal. I came in as a teacher but do TDF(Teacher Development Facilitator) work because its challenging but there is a sense of accomplishment that comes with it. I do community education projects because that is what i'm interested in and if I didn't have something that I was passionate about I would be one sad bird.

For me, my village makes me happy and I feel lucky(or blessed) to have the village that I do. I seriously think that I have the best village in Malawi, but i'm sure others will argue against that. My village is my family, they take care of me and check me when needed, they provide me with the support I need to not only be here but to do my work. My village reminds me of communities I belong to in the states and having the comfort of being in a community is not only something I value but something that I thrive off of. Now don't get me wrong, there are times that I need to get away but after a day or so I'm ready to go back. I'm starting to think or realize that the hardest part of service is not homestay or the first couple of weeks at site but it's the time when I will have to say goodbye and although i'm only 10 months in and still have 1 1/2 years to go, i'm already dreading the time that I will have to and i'm sure that will be the hardest part of my service.

I'm just about 10 months in and i'm glad that at the times I wanted to go home I stuck it out. I think this has by far been the longest and most consistent time of happiness and I know it's partially because of Malawi but more so the lessons that I have learned during my time here. These lessons will last a lifetime and the one that I currently value most is the act of thinking and serving others while still prioritizing yourself. For a long time I put others before me, I would mask my needs and wants to make sure the needs and wants of others were being met. I spent a lot of time putting others first but what sense does it make to put other people first in YOUR life? Especially, if they're not doing the same for you. I'm happy because I know my limits and stick to them, stay away from people I don't feel connected too(why waste time when there's no connection, use that energy in places where there is). I can't guarantee that I will feel this way in a month, week, day, or hour but for now it doesn't matter, i'm going to enjoy this moment. I've also come to accept that I really don't know what I want to do in the future. I use to be a planner but that all went out the window. Life is like an escalator, it's keeps going whether you get on or not and it's harder to go back than forward. Life is meant to be lived and not watched, do what makes you happy and who cares what others think or expect.

In 2 months we will welcome the new education group. Returning to the airport but being within the perspective of 'welcoming' and not 'welcomed' will bring about an array of emotions. I'm excited for the new group because 1. I will be considered a 2nd year volunteer which is a milestone and accomplishment in itself 2. because I can relate to how they are going to feel as they step off the plane and get wisked away to Dedza for training and begin this crazy but amazing experience they call Peace Corps Malawi.

At this point i'm ending my monologue, I hope you enjoyed reading and if you didn't, well it's a good thing you won't be forced to read it again...
Until next time,
Love and hugs from the Warm Heart of Africa!
xoxo
Courtney